Who am I
by KittyCaitZep
Summary: Widly A/U Set after Hyde comes home from Vegas. Jackie leaves Point Place to find herself after secretly losing something that breaks her even more.
1. Need

**DECLAIMER:I don't own anything.**

**Okay so this is set a few weeks after Hyde comes back from Vegas.**

**Keep in mind this is A/u and meant to me OOC**

* * *

**JACKIE**

* * *

A week after Steven came back married my world started to crumble but the final straw was learning I was pregnant with his child and the miscarriage that followed only three short weeks later.

No one knew of the baby or the miscarriage, no one but me and Mrs. Forman, who had been sworn to secrecy. The moment I left the hospital however, was the moment I left Point Place, so it didn't matter, really. I took what I had in my car which was quite a bit since I've been thinking about leaving since Sam showed up and stole my life, my friends, and my love. I had decided to stay once I learned I was pregnant but now that the baby was gone I had nothing left here. The only stops I made on my way out of town were to the bank to get everything I could out and to The Salon to see my last and only friend.

Before going into the salon I wrote two letters one to Fez and one to Red. I made sure I didn't look like I had been sobbing, and I walked in and Fez immediately came over to me "Hello my beautiful roommate! What are you doing here?" Fez asked.

"Nothing Fez I just wanted to bring you something. I pulled out a big bag of candy that had the letters inside and handed them to him. "Now you can't open this until after your shift, okay? Oh and do it when your alone!" I said.

"Okay? Why didn't you just wait till I was home?" He asked confused.

"Well I won't be home tonight, Fez. Um but I have to go so…." I quickly hugged him and left before I could start crying. "Goodbye Fez." And with that I left.

I got back to my car still willing tears away. I pulled out of the parking lot and turned right. I wouldn't stop until I was at least two towns away from Point Place. I needed this. I needed to find myself.

I had been on the road now for about two weeks and I was a little tired but I finally felt free. I had been feeling suffocated for a while but now laying in the bed of a rundown motel that smelled like old ladies and sweaty sock I felt freedom. I was surprised that I hadn't felt home sick yet, I thought I would have by now and I would have to keep myself from going back to that god forsaken place but truth was I hadn't been tempted. Not once. All I felt was relief. My soul could breathe for the first time in my life.

I know that a part of my heart would always belong to Steven Hyde but I had offered myself completely to him and he turned away from it, so I don't spend my time missing him, wanting him or thinking of him. I didn't need to.

I try not to stay in motels and waste my money much but I needed a shower so I splurged for a day I even bought myself a real meal not just sandwiches or a bag of chips.

I knew no one back home would believe it was me if they saw me. Not that I had planned it like that but I had left most of my styling wands and hair products back in Point Place so my hair was kept in a natural wave. I had sold all my designer clothes as well I figured money was more important and I hadn't even bought another piece of clothing either what I had I had been given to buy a few people I had met on the road, which is another change I decided to stop putting my nose up to different type of people and it had lead me to a few incredible people.

One my third day on the road I passed a small town in Illinois where I had ran into a small hippie commune where a lady named Raiyne lived. She was the most loving person I had ever met. She had let me stay with her a few nights where she taught me to sew patches; a skill she said will come in handy on the road, she also taught me how to knit small things such as scarfs and things that I would need for when winter came. She then told me how important it was to keep journals of my trip since it was to find myself that they would keep me headed down the right path. So since then I've carried around a leather bound journal that I've begun to write every detail of my trip in.

One day six, I entered into Kansas expecting to drive straight through when I met a man and his daughter the old man reminded me of Leo, his name was Ban and his daughters name was Kelly. She was amazing she made these beautiful skirts and dresses that were easy for traveling when I left them on day eight she had made me 2 skirts and a few knee length dresses, they were homemade and hippish but oddly I didn't mind I loved them and in two seconds they had come to mean more to me than the most expense pair of Jordache's.

On Day ten of my trip I decided to head west towards California but later on the tenth day I came across a town in New Mexico where I met a few members of a Native American Reservation that invited me to stay with the tribe where I met Kota. He was beautiful he had long straight black hair and strong brown eyes he had brown rusted skin that glowed against the sun and he was considered a healer among the tribe and I felt a connection with him immediately.

I had learned a lot from the Native Americans like how to fish and how to cook it with a simple fire I also learned a few spiritual thing that seemed to now haunt my dreams not in a bad way but in a way that began to change my view of the world.

When day twelve came I decided it was time to move on. I was saying goodbye to everyone and gathering the things they had given to me to help along the way when Kota came up to me telling me that he wanted to come with me.

Kota had been traveling before he had left the reservation when he was fourteen and lived in Wyoming for while with a freedom school, he had come back to New Mexico when he was twenty two but now a year later he was ready for the road again.

And so Kota and I left the tribe and made our way back to town where I had left my car. When we got to it we took off for Wyoming instead of California I wanted to see the freedom school and met the people that he had told me about.

So on day fourteen here we were, in this rundown motel, lying on the bed. Kota was telling me the story of the sun and how it was in love with the moon, for the past two day he had told me stories like these something that was starting to become comforting to me. I wasn't sure how so much had changed in just two weeks, I thought things wouldn't begin to change for at least 6 months but instead they were changing daily. I already didn't feel like the girl I was before I lost the love of my life or my child I felt better. I was beginning to feel whole again hell I felt better than I had in my whole life… Well except for the times I was wrapped in Steven Hyde's arms, but I won't think of things like that anymore. Steven Hyde is a dead memory, a memory from a different life.

"… And so they were doomed to spend eternity chasing each other around the earth. You see so sometimes it's better to just be honest with yourself… Jackie?" Kota asked. "Are you listening?" he lifted a hand to my head smoothing the hair from my eyes.

"Oh yeah sorry I was just thinking that I can't believe I have only been on the road two weeks… it feels like longer." I look up at him and smile softly. "I'm glad you're here though. It's nice not being alone between new people."

"I'm glad I'm here too, sunshine" He said using a nickname he had gave me. It was what everyone on the tribe had called me. "And it only feels like longer because your spirit is soaking up the freedom you've been denied for so long" Kota had been the only one I had told about my life in Point place. About my Parents, Steven, Sam, the baby, I had told him about almost every part if my life. I had only known him for a few days but I knew he was going to be in my life for a while. "The spirit needs freedom to breathe, and you'll know it's time to go home when days begin to feel short, again."

"But what if I don't want to ever go back home?" I asked playing with his fingertips.

"That's for your heart to decide. Not you." He said kissing my forehead. Kota was a pacifist. He didn't believe in violence unless it was necessary for protection. He didn't raise his voice or burn people. He was what I needed.

* * *

**HYDE**

* * *

It had two weeks since Jackie had come to the basement. I didn't say anything about it. I had no right to ask about her whereabouts anymore. So I didn't, however that was expected what wasn't though was that no one else seemed to ask, either, not Donna, Fez or even Kitty.

No one asked a month, now had gone by without a single sighting of Jackie Burkhart. My life was crap. I hated Sam. She was more fucking annoying than Jackie was. At first I was excited I mean I was married to a damn stripper but now just a tiny whiff of her stripper-esk perfume made me want to puke my guts out. I was starting to miss the subtle linger of strawberries on my pillow that now smelled like a strip club and I resented Sam for it. I hated her for destroying that smell but I hated myself for being too stupid to send her packing.

Finally one day after Jackie being absent seven weeks Donna came into the basement and sat next to Fez ignoring a question Sam had asked her. I've suspected that she was getting on Fez and Donna's nerves as well, for Fez rolled his eyes when she spoke almost like he too resented her for something which surprised me since Sam would probably sleep with him if he asked and when she spoke to Donna lately she would either ignore her or answer her in short.

"Hey Fez could you tell Jackie to call me later, I know she's probably still wallowing in her own misery but some of us have actual problems." She huffed again.

Suddenly it looked as if steam would blow out from Fez's ears. He stood up and started pacing back in fourth in front of the couch with his hands on his hips. "Uh Fez what's your problem?" Donna asked with her eyebrows furrowed.

A bitter laugh escaped his throat and he started rubbing his forehead, "My problem, Donna? My problem it has that it has taken seven weeks for any of you to even mention Jackie and the first time you do you accuse _her_ of being selfish. Well, Jackie won't be calling you, Donna." And with that he was out of the door, slamming it behind him.

Donna looked over at me like Fez had slapped her "What the hell was that?" She asked getting angry, "What the fuck is problem? I didn't accuse her of being selfish she is everybody knows that!"

"I don't know Donna but you don't need that bitch you have me." Sam said proudly.

"Oh shut up Sam, your voice is so annoying! I'm going over to Fez's and give Jackie a piece of my mind!" Donna stood up and left.

Something weird was defiantly going on Fez had never gone off on Donna like that.

An hour later I made my way up stairs to dinner after Sam had left. This was the best part of my days when 125 pounds of stripper got out of my hair and went and bothered someone else and I got to eat dinner with Kitty and Red though since Sam things have been strained but for a few weeks things have been even heavier in the Forman house and now that I think back on it the cloud got darker when Jackie last left the basement. I wasn't sure if it was the reason or if it was just a coincidence.

I had decided though that after Red left the kitchen I would stay behind while Kitty cleaned up to see if she had noticed the brunettes absence.

I was leaned on the bar with my arms crossed while Kitty was across from me doing the dishes. "So it's kinda quite around here lately." I said casually.

She looked up and smiled a tight, sad smile. "Yeah it doesn't feel the same, huh?"

"Nah… Forman's not here twitchin,' Kelso's not gluing his self to things, Donna's blonde…"

"Jackie's mouth isn't running a mile a minute…" She interrupted me looking past me sadly with a wistful smile playing on her lips.

"Yeah... I've noticed she's not been ringing ears lately…" I was about to ask what was up with that when the sliding glass door opened with an irritated Donna coming through.

"You won't believe it that little foreign freak wouldn't let me in to talk to Jackie! I'm so mad. Who does she think she is lately?" She dropped into a chair at the table.

Kitty laughed her trademark nervous laughed while drying off her hands and quickly left the room. Well that was weird. "Ya' know, Donna. I think something's going on."

"Other than Jackie being a selfish brat and Fez not letting me in their apartment what else could be going on?"

"I don't know man but I feel like were being kept in the dark about something." I said sitting beside her.

"Yeah…" She said putting her head in her hands. "Yeah Hyde I think your right." She looked up at me, "How are we going to get it out of them?" She asked.

"Well step one snoop around a little." I paused, thinking. "Okay with how quickly Mrs. Forman, flew out of here a second ago, she defiantly knows something, which she'll be easy to crack and Fez will be with Kelso here so you go call Kelso see if he can come down for the weekend and I'll work on Mrs. Forman."

"She nodded and stood up and left and I sat back and thought of what I could ask Mrs. Forman; without being suspicious.


	2. Gone

**Meant to be OOC(:**

* * *

**JACKIE**

* * *

I had been on the road now almost two months. Kota and I had made it to the freedom school on day sixteen, where we had been greeted and welcomed by everyone there. I had to admit even with the way Kota had described the school It wasn't what I had expected. It was better. The people were all great, there were a few of course that were a little out of it but they weren't any worse than Leo, on some level it had made me miss Leo, he was the first piece of Point Place that I had missed but it was expected because I was around people that reminded me of him 24/7. The school though wasn't a regular school; it was more of a safe haven with talented people who were willing to share their talent with willing students. There weren't any schedules, No one had to pay rent or earn their way. You could come and go as you pleased the only rule was that you had to respect everyone else that lived there and without question everyone did.

I had become popular pretty fast, no matter how much I changed being noticed never would. That was one of the things that made me, me and being here made me accept it. Once I accepted it, it was like I had found one of the pieces of myself I had been looking for.

On day twenty I had begun taking painting classes that was being taught by a middle aged woman whose name was Mary; she instantly became a mentor to me and took me under her wing, once she saw I was a natural. She made me fall in love with it. By day thirty three I was filling in her teaching position when she was too drunk to come in. It felt incredible having passion for something again, I found I loved it more than cheerleading.

Kota and I shared a room, and even though I hadn't known him as long as the basement rejects I felt closer to him than any of them not including Steven. Kota became my best friend we did everything together and went everywhere together, but friends were all we were. I wasn't ready for a relationship, and he knew that so he never tried anything and I was thankful for it.

On day fourty-four, Jude a boy from England was brought to the school by Evan a guy who taught everyone theater. He was shy and didn't talk to many people so when he sat down beside me on day fifty-two while I was painting out on the lawn and started singing 'You are my Sunshine' Which is what everyone called me now I went into total shock.

Jude was beautiful; he had dark brown shaggy hair that sat on his shoulders he had a beard too but it was kind of sexy and his had eyes the color of sapphires. His smile was amazing, his teeth were perfect, and his voice was hypnotizing. I hadn't had such an instant connection to anyone as strong as the one with Jude other than the one with Steven. Steven's had been stronger even after all he had done to me and that pissed me off, I had realized that I had bitter feelings towards Steven still on day thirty-five, and I resented the fact that he had touched my soul more than any other person could; he would never be mine again. So I welcomed this connection with Jude.

After he had finished singing I couldn't help the smile that took over my face when he looked at me after the last strum of the guitar, "Wow… that was beautiful…" my voice only coming out in a whisper.

"Thank you," He said smirking at me but in a sweeter way than Steven smirked. "I had hoped you would like it," He grinned this time and stuck out his hand, "I'm Jude."

I returned his smile and took his hand. "Jackie, but everyone here just calls me Sunshine, which you probably already knew." I said gesturing to his guitar.

"Yeah well sort of, everyone I've spoken to since arriving has told me of a tiny fairy that carried the sun with her, they hadn't pointed you out to me but when I saw you I knew it was you." He said smiling, I knew he was flirting with me but I still wasn't sure if a relationship was what I wanted, besides I don't want to make things awkward with Kota. He was my best friend.

So I gnored the flirting, "How are you enjoying it here, Jude?" I asked standing up and walking towards the school. It was empty right now because everyone else was at the lake.

"I like it very much. Very free, nothing like, England." He let out a little chuckle slinging his guitar over his shoulder and grabbing my canvas from me so I wouldn't drop it.

"Thank you" I said blushing. He just smiled at me again and even held the door open for me.

On day fifty-four I met a girl named Amiee who was incredibly wild. She was the ultimate free spirit, she did what she wanted and went were she wanted. She had an unlimited supply of marijuana and acid on her at all times. She had even toured with Pink Floyd and partied with Led Zeppelin. She was beautiful and careless and for some reason she had chosen me to be her best friend. I had to admit though it was nice having people volunteer to be your friend instead of calling you names and yelling at you for hanging out with them. I finally felt wanted. No one was mean to anyone here. No one was mean to me. I hadn't heard the word burn in fifty-four days and I was okay with it. Amiee, Kota, Jude and I had all become best friends, and the greatest part was that all of them had picked me.

* * *

**HYDE**

* * *

Sunday after the Forman's had gone to church I snooped around a little trying to figure out what they had been hiding. I don't know why I had become so obsessed with what they were hiding usually I didn't give a fuck but this seemed big.

I hadn't found anything though so I went back to trying to figure out what questions to ask but once again came up short. I just had to wait a few more hours, Kelso couldn't come the weekend but he decided to take a week off the force and come home to visit. I knew with Kelso it would be easier to get whatever it was out of Fez he became 10 times dumber when Kelso was around.

Exactly an hour later Donna and Kelso walked into the basement and Kelso immediately hugged Hyde. "Hyde, man! It's been forever! How are you man!?" Kelso shouted.

"Good man! How have you been?"" I asked.

"Ah man I've been great man I have the cutest kid in the world! Speaking of kids where is Fez?" Kelso looked around the room like he would pop out of nowhere.

"He's at his and Jackie's apartment, c'mon man lets go say hi." I patted him on the back walking over and grabbing my Jacket and him and Donna followed me out the door.

When we got to he apartment we knocked and waited suddenly the door swung open and Fez saw Kelso and looked as if everything else in his mind was forgotten so while they hugged and exchanged hello's Donna and I slipped in and sat on the couch.

Donna immediately sees a letter on the coffee table with Jackie's hand writing and picked it up before me and began to read it.

_Dear Fezzie,_

_I hate to do this, since you were gracious enough to let me move in with you but I have to leave town… I can't be here anymore Fez. It's all too hard. I feel as though I've lost myself and I have no idea who I am. So much has happened so fast, and I need sometime for my mind to catch up to it all. I need to move on, from Steven, from my parents. I need to make a new life, the one I had there in Point Place is over and I know I'll never get it back. I'm writing you this letter Fez because I've realized you're the only one I can trust other than Mrs. & Mr. Forman. The other letter though it says it just you know is for Red. I had to say goodbye to him and I've already talked to Mrs. Forman this morning so if you could Fez, keep this to yourself, at least as long as you can. I don't know when I'll be back or if I ever will be, but I want you to know, you kept me breathing after Steven came home from Vegas Fez. You became my hero because you're the only one that didn't turn their back on me and act like I was nothing and I want you to know that I will be forever grateful for that. You're an amazing man Fez and you're going to make some lucky girl very happy. I just want you to know how much I appreciate the room and the job at the salon. I don't know where I would have been if it wasn't for you. I know no matter where I am or how long I'm away I can count on you and that will keep a light on in my heart for Point Place. Also, once everyone knows I'm not there anymore I want you to give the 'Dear Betsey' part of the letter to Kelso to give to Betsey when she's older, if I haven't come back. I know that you disapprove of me not writing a letter to Donna and Steven… but I couldn't Fez… I'm still so hurt over everything I couldn't say goodbye them I'm sorry if that disappoints you but if one day I finally find myself again, I will call or write home and maybe then I will have forgiven them but not today, maybe tomorrow. I love you Fez and I-I know I said I'm still hurt and I am but I need for you to make sure Donna doesn't dwell on the 'Twizzler' being gone too much, distract her from it… and Fez make sure Steven takes care if himself… he has this habit of falling into himself and I know he has a wife to worry about him now but come on that girl has no idea how to take care of him not like he needs. Just take care of them. I love you fez, thank you for everything. Oh and feel free to sell or give away any of my things I won't be needing them, except of a box in the back of my closet, please hold on to that for me._

_Love always, Your Goddess. _

"Fez! What the hell is this!?" Donna yelled half mad half scared.

"What is it?" I asked snatching it from her,

"Go on read it, too late now. " Fez said crossing his arms over is chest glaring at me.

I looked away from him to the letter and my heart instantly drops as I read the first line. She's gone? No, no, no. She can't be gone… and the Forman's knew? That's why it had been darker around there, and why Mrs Forman had been the one to bring up Jackie talking a lot and the laugh when Donna had said she was going to talk to Jackie.

"What the hell Fez… is… is she really…?" Anger, sadness, regret but most of all shame… I had never felt so many emotions course through my body more than the moment Fez shook his head yes, my heart dropped, I heard a loud sob from Donna and the letter got ripped from my hands by Kelso.

"What?! She's really gone?" Donna asked immediately going to Jackie's door and throwing it open revealing an almost empty room. "Oh my god… She's-she's really gone…" She looked back at Fez who was still had a glare on his face.

"Yes. She is gone. She has been gone for almost two months now and do you want to know why? Because the love of her life and her best friend… the two people that she thought were the only one who cared about her both turned their backs on her. Both put her done and reticule her until she had no idea who she was anymore. Plus." He looked right at me and then walked to the bathroom and came back with something in a freezer bag and piut it in my hand "I found this in her bathroom when I cleaned it out."

I looked down and fear and shock ran through me leaving my veins cold in my hand was a positive pregnancy test. Donna walked over and broke down crying as soon as she saw it. I looked up at Fez and then Kelso speechless. Kelso looked just as pissed off as Fez and I know he was about to say something but I had to get out of there. I knew it was my kid. She never slept with Kelso and even though I said I didn't believe her truth was I had. I knew she would never cheat.

I left without Donna or Kelso and went straight home. I walked in and Sam was on me as soon as she saw me but I just shoved her away-Jackie was right she knew nothing about me. I walk in the living room where Kitty and Red are sitting unfortunately Sam followed me but I didn't care the secrets were coming out now. "You knew didn't you? You knew that she's pregnant and that she left town! Why didn't anyone tell me! I have a right to know I;m going to be a father and how could she just leave town like-" I was near hysterics now but Mrs. Forman stopped me.

She held up her hands to my chest instantly calming me down, its exactly what Jackie used to do and it made my heart ache. "Steven…" Mrs. Forman whispered. "Sit down." I sat in Reds chair and Mrs. Forman sat in front of me with her hands on my knees. "Okay Steven. Now Jackie had been thinking of leaving town since Sam showed up but when she found out she was four months along she decided to stay. She made multiple attempts to tell you except when she tried the two of you would just end up fighting and Steven… she had so much stress on her shoulders and well Steven, the last time she came by she was determined to tell you she came in through the kitchen and grabbed a cookie but on her way down stairs… Steven she lost the baby… She was so excited about it to that when I got her to the hospital and the doctor told her that she had lost it… Well she lost it. She had nothing left here Steven. You have Sam and her parents are gone and God Steven, she was so excited to be pregnant losing the baby broke what little she had left of her heart. You can't be mad, Steven. She needed to leave."

It felt like I was going to puke. I didn't know what to say or do. I had no breath to breathe because it had all left me, and to make things worse I had a 125 pound stripper tring to kiss my cheek/ I stand up instantly and pull her away from me "Sam, we need to talk." I pull her to the basement and let her go "You need to leave."

"What? Hyde, why? She's not pregnant and she's gone why would I need to-" I stop her before she can piss me off.

"No Sam! No. You have to leave. This whole thing it-it was a mistake. She didn't do any-fucking-thing! She didn't do shit but I was pissed at myself and I ruined everything! If I hadn't gone to Vegas she wouldn't be gone and we would be having a baby! I fucked everything up and now she's god knows where dealing with all this shit alone and I can't just sit her pretending to have a happy fucking marriage with you!" I realize how loud I'm being and take a breath "Sam you just have to go. I'll call my dad and get us a quickie divorce or something just please go."

"Uh… yeah well see the thing is I'm already married..." She said quietly.

My head snaps up "WHAT!?"

"Look it's not a big deal so were not really married that means you won't have to spend money on a divorce." She smiles vapidly.

"What the fuck do you mean were not really married!? You better not be fucking telling me I did all this shit to Jackie for not fucking reason!" I don't care how loud I am. Not only did I break Jackie's heart but the stress made her lose her baby… our baby… "Fuck! Just… just get you shit and get out…"

Sam immediately leaves and I sink down onto the couch completely disgusted with myself.


	3. Home

**JACKIE**

* * *

I had left Point Place behind exactly six months ago today, so much had changed in those six months that I doubted they would believe the life that I'm living but still I sat here on this motel bed with my hand on the phone arguing back and forth with my heart. Kota had told me once that my heart would tell me when I was ready to talk to them again and it was my hearts fault that I was sitting her picking the phone up and then slamming it back down.

By the second month I had quite counting the days that I was away and moved up to months. I had spent all of months one through five at the freedom school painting and partying with Kota, Amiee, and Jude we did everything together. We all spent every second just living together loving each other. We shared one another and before point place I would have been mortified at the idea but truth was we all loved each other well Kota and Jude loved Amiee and I though as open minded as they were they didn't love each other that way. I loved all three of them equally Kota was the sweet, passive one that knew how to read each of my emotions like they were on a page in a book but Amiee brought out a wild side in me that I didn't know I had. Amiee would have me get high with her or take LSD and we would fall into a fun and dirty haze of dancing and making love. Yes I Jackie Burkhart had sex with a girl and at one time I might have been ashamed of it but who I am now views it as part of a journey I took. And then there was Jude. Jude bought passion out in me I didn't think I would ever feel again; with one look he could set my body on fire almost as much as Steven.

Month four Jude had been offered a spot with an up and coming band and as much as I loved him I didn't see my path leading me down his so I had to let him go, and when he left I felt as though my time at the freedom school was coming to a close and it was time for me to move on. Kota decided to stay but Amiee came with me.

During month five my car had broken down in Colorado and there we met Jeff, Dekko and Summer that had a van like Kelso's and were headed to Washington and asked if we wanted to come with them. Jeff was a lot like Eric he breathed Star Wars and was obsessed with comic books. I automatically connected with Dekko he was a professional skateboarder from LA but had quit because his sponsors had screwed him and his friends over so now he was just skating from place to place, he had long blonde hair and a build like Michael with a cute baby face that made his eyes sparkle and he had a laid back personality like Steven just less angry and Summer was a lot like Donna and the moment Summer started taking about feminist protests was when I realized I missed Donna, and it hit hard. Stupid, Lumberjack.

We got to Washington and we stayed with one of Dekko's friends in a house almost as big as the Burkhart mansion with a few other people that I didn't really spend a lot of time with. I shared a room with Amiee and honestly it was great to be back in a huge house for a while but after a while we got restless trying to find something to do. We would sit on the couch and smoke endless amounts of weed and then we would drain the pool and watch the boys skate in the dry pool.

Week three of month five I was sitting outside on the terrace when Dekko walked up and sat beside me "You know, Sunshine, I don't think I've ever seen such a haunted look in someone's eyes before." He chuckled and then looked over at me seriously. "What's wrong?" He asked so softly

I couldn't help but burst out crying. I told him everything from Pam and Jack to Michael and Steven to Sam and Donna "… and I'm pretty sure I would have given birth sometime this week if I hadn't lost the baby… God I wanted it so bad…" I looked over at him and he pulled me to him and onto his lap holding me while I cried.

The week after Amiee was told about a Commune in Tennessee and she wanted to go and check it out and so Amiee, Dekko, and I took off for Tennessee.

When we hit Minnesota on the 6 month anniversary of me leaving and I asked to get a room, so now here I am at 7 in the morning trying to decide what to do.

* * *

**HYDE**

* * *

She had been gone six months and no one had heard from her or knew where she was after I kicked Sam out I had decided to get my shit together in case she came home. I had made huge mistakes and as much as I wanted to I couldn't go looking for her, I had no idea where to look so instead I spent my time trying to get a life ready for her to come back to. No there wasn't a guarantee that she would take me back in a million years but after everything I owed her this. I owed her these things years ago.

I had gotten a house two months ago It wasn't huge but only I knew Jackie didn't actually need a huge house only I knew her dream was to have a middle class life like the Forman's had so I did everything to get her that.

Donna had died her hair back to red and moved into Jackie's room at Fez's with Eric when he came home. Donna took her leaving almost as hard as me but mostly her suffering was out of guilt not that mine wasn't but I could also now admit to being in love with her and even if she never talked to me again I'll wait for her.

And though I had my own house it was still empty, I spent my days at the Forman's it was hard being there without knowing where she was, especially today since she had officially been gone half a year.

Red, Kitty, Eric, Donna, and I were eating breakfast when the phone rings. Kitty got up and pranced over to it. "Hello?" Suddenly her eyes get huge and her mouth drops open and she starts jumping up and down and we all stop eating and stare at her "OH MY GOD JACKIE!" She screamed excitedly and my heart drops.

Four forks drop instantly and were all crowding Mrs. Forman "Oh Jackie! How are you!? Where are you!? Are you-" She gets cut off and she's nodding and laughing "Oh good Jackie I'm so glad you called we've been so worried about you! Are you coming home?" She starts nodding again "Uhhuh" She said laughing "Oh you did!?" She exclaimed. "Wow all those places? Weren't you scared? Wow no you just sound so different. No No You sound so mature." Kitty looks confused for a second and then busts out in her trademark laugh "Oh well I love you and miss you too. Well yes everyone is fine, Eric came home early and Fez was promoted to stylist oh and Brooke and Michael are getting married! I know it's so exciting they would really like for you to be there, we would all love to see you, Jackie. Well its next month on the 25th sure you can bring a few friends with you! As long as you're here I don't care who you bring! Oh YAAAY! I'm SO excited I can't wait to see you! I know! Okay dear well I love you too thank you so so much for calling Jackie! I love you to, dear. Goodbye." Kitty hung up the phone and stayed there with one hand on the phone and then the other over her heart. I felt like I was about to burst I was about to say that too but then Kitty turned around clapping and jumping "My baby is coming home!"

"Kitty please what did she say!?" Red growled with impatients.

"Oh well she said that she was fine and that she had spent the past 6 months traveling around that her and a few friends were headed to Tennessee but she wanted to call and let us know that she was alive but then when I invited her to Michaels wedding she said yes! She said that she'll be here by the 20th! Can you believe it all my babies will be home again?"

Jackie was coming home. My Jackie would be back in three weeks. Fuck I have so much to do! I can't focus on what she had been doing I knew her and she would fill everyone in on her own but now I had no time to waste I had to make everything alright I had to get my girl back.

* * *

**JACKIE**

* * *

I hung up the phone half said half excited. I was going home in three weeks and I was actually excited. I wasn't worried about Steven and Sam or Donna. I was past the hurt, yes so I was still in love with Steven but I had come to accept that I always would be a long time ago. Sam didn't scare me anymore. I knew I loved Steven with everything I had and it wasn't enough. If she could make him happy I could be happy for him and my anger at Donna had fizzled out a while ago. We were never truly meant to be best friends and that was okay with me now. Amiee and Dekko were my best friends. I didn't even care that I didn't have any clothes that weren't designer or all of them had a patch, paint splatters or dirt on them. I didn't care that my hair hadn't seen a drop of hair spray in six months or that it was down to my lower back I didn't care if I had a few tattoos and scars from bad trips I was almost hole again. However it was just almost. I didn't understand what the last part was. I had followed my heart every single day of the past six months If it didn't feel right in my heart I didn't do it, but going home felt more than right God I didn't even want to wait three weeks but I had promised Amiee Tennessee.


	4. Sorry

**JACKIE**

* * *

I woke up Amiee and Dekko and packed everything and got back on the road "Guys we gotta talk." I said once we were on the highway.

"Uh oh." Dekko said glancing over at me while driving.

Amiee tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear, "What's going on, sunshine?" She asked.

"Well… I called Mrs. Forman this morning…" I trailed.

Amiee squeaked. "That's great Jacks! "

"Yeah, it's just that well, Michael and Brooke are getting married and she asked me to come and I sort of said; yes." I said holding my breath. I needed them there and if they stayed in Tennessee I would be screwed.

"Whoa Jackie that's big babe… When is the wedding?" She asked

"Well in like three weeks… if you guys wanted to come you could I asked if I could bring friends she said yes, but you don't have to you know…" I babbled.

Dekko laughed hard. "I'll be there, man, I want to kick that mother fuckers ass that left YOU for a stripper."

I gasped, but was cut off by Amiee, "Yeah I want to wipe the floor with that slutball!"

"Okay there will be NO fighting. I'm over it… but thank you for coming with me." I said hugging Amiee.

"Pshh, Sunshine I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." She said kissing my cheek.

"Yeah I wouldn't want to be anywhere else either."

"Yeah, babe we love you. Well get to Tennessee in tomorrow well spend two weeks partying there and then well come back up here" Amiee smiled.

"Oh!" I threw my arms around her again, "Thank you!"

18 hours later we pulled into the commune. Two weeks and I'll be home. I smiled to myself, I have forgiven them... and at that moment I felt just a little more peace.

* * *

**HYDE**

* * *

Jackie was going to be home in a week and I was a mess. I had done everything I could to get ready for her and to show her that I want a life with her, forever.

I was sitting in the basement thinking about what else I could do when Donna and Eric came, "Hey Hyde what's up?" Eric asked.

"Nothin' man, just thinking." I said.

"About Jackie?" Donna asked.

"Yeah…" I said looking at around "I can't believe she's going to be home in a week… I-I just don't want her to leave again, you know… I want to show her I make her happy…" I said I wasn't afraid if anyone knew I loved her anymore, they all knew I had been working to make a life for her to come home to.

"I know…I'm so scared she's going to hate me… and that she won't talk to me…" Donna said tearing up.

Eric hugged her and looked at me "Does she even know Sam is gone?"

"No. Mrs. Forman didn't tell her so I doubt it"

"Aren't you worried about the other friends she's bringing?" Eric asked,

"No why would I?"I asked confused.

"Um what if she has a boyfriend man…" Eric said slowly.

"A… boyfriend" I asked. I hadn't thought about her having a boyfriend I just assumed she wouldn't be interested in in one "She… she" I looked over at Eric who was giving me a sympathetic look. "Motherfucker!" I yelled standing up "What the fuck am I supposed to do if she has a fucking boyfriend man! Goddamn it!"

"Hey Hyde we don't know if she does, Eric just said what if…"

"Whatever I'm still getting her back, man" I sit back down "This is where she belongs…"

* * *

**JACKIE**

* * *

Two weeks had passed fast and now we were back on the road headed to point place. We decided to stop in Chicago and get a few nice things to wear, it felt so weird being in a mall again, it was all overwhelming but soon the old Jackie Burkhart started to come out a little and I got a light purple dress and matching shoes for the wedding and a new styling wand though my hair was so long I wasn't sure if the curls would hold.

The next day we got to Point Place and my heart felt asif it would explode. "Where to Sunshine?" Dekko asked

I decided to see if my old house was still empty so I gave him the address and when we pulled in it was obvious no one had been there since I was last there. So I got out of the van and tried my key once it opened we got everything out and decided this is where we would stay, I was a few days early from when I told Mrs Forman I'd be home so we just stayed in the house until I got up enough courage to go see them.

"You grew up here Sunshine?" Amiee asked, "This is like a small castle its huge! What was wrong with your parents leaving you alone in this huge house."

"I know. I'm so glad you guys are here with me. It would be so lonely without you." I said hugging them both.

"Yeah so tell me where to get food and I'll go so you don't have to run into any of them." Dekko said.

I told him to go to the hub then he left leaving Amiee and I alone. I slowly walk up the stairs and walked even slower to my bedroom door with Amiee following me, "I'm scared." I said turning to her "My entire childhood is behind this door… All of the life I left behind..."

Amiee came up to me and touched my cheek softly "Jackie you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have come so far in the past six months, babe. You've become a woman. You're not like the little girl that existed behind this door. But you are the same as her and she is a part of you. Remember this is where your journey began."

I laughed a little. "You sound like Kota…" I said.

"Yeah well I'm trying to he always knew how to make you feel better." She said.

"Yeah thank you Am" I smiled and twisted the door knob. I opened the door and see my bedroom looking exactly the same as last time I saw it, pink walls posters everywhere, my bed, everything that I didn't take to Donna's when I moved in with her.

"I can't believe you really liked Abba. You're luck you met me or you might still subject your ears to this garbage." Amiee said.

"Yeah, yeah well I was young what do you expect?"

"Not the Captain" She responded.

I fell down onto my bed and just started to cry so much had changed so fast and for the first time I felt like myself again and being back in point place back in the bed that I shared so many memories with it was all so much… I wasn't sad though no I was happy I was happy to be home.

Amiee laid down beside me and held me while I cried. After a while I sat up "I think I need to see them tonight." I said a minute later "But I think I should do it alone first."

Amiee shook her head "If that's what you want but just no Dek and I are here for you."

I kissed her cheek "I know and that's the only reason I'm doing it, because I know I have you two." I paused and looked at her seriously. "Thank you so much."

After Dekko got back from the hub we ate and then I started getting ready. I put on one of the dresses that Kelly had made me in Kansas it was white thin strapped with tiny yellow daisies on it I curled my hair he best I could and put a little lip gloss on and with my fipflops.

I decided to walk there since I hadn't in a long time, looked around the entire way realizing how much I had missed Point Place, it wasn't that much of a town but it made my heart happy to see it all again.

I got to the Forman's street and my heart started pounding harder with every step. I walked passed Donnas house without looking at it if I did I knew I would start crying so I walked by it fast and didn't look up until I was on the Forman's doorstep.

* * *

**HYDE**

* * *

We were all down stairs even Kelso and Brooke were here already and we were watching 'I dream of Jeannie' when the door bell rung. None of us said anything none of us cared who it was, I was just trying to relax because Jackie would be back in three days and I would be a mess so I didn't think nothing of it.

10 minutes later "Jeannie is so hot" Kelso said.

"Yes she is" Fez said.

"Yeah but I like Samantha in more of a real woman kind of way" Kelso replied.

"Well some things never change." My heart stopped instantly. I was pretty sure the voice was in my head until Fez jumped up and ran over to the stairs.

We all turned and there she was I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think she looked so different her hair was all the way down her back and she wasn't wearing any make up and her dress looked homemade but god she had never looked more beautiful.

"Oh my god, Jackie!" Fez, Donna and Kelso all screamed.

Fez was in the process of cutting off all her air when Kelso joined him and the rest of us stood up but couldn't move out of shock, shock of her being here and shock of how different she looked.

"Um... Fe-Kel-Fez I-I… Can't breathe," She choked out. They let her go immediately and she looked over at the rest of us and then finally her eyes slid to me.

I held her eyes for a minute but then she turned back to Fez "Where were you!? How could you do that to me! You say you won't be home that night but then I read that damn letter and I don't see you for six months do you know how worried I was.. how worried we all were!?"

She looked like she might cry so I stepped in. "Fez leave her alone." I walked up to her and grabbed her hand and stood there for a minute soaking her in, God I missed her so fucking much. I walked her over to the couch beside my chair and she sat down with her eyes wide.

Eirc spoke up next, "Don't listen to him yeah we were worried but we understand, so tell us about it what you did while you were gone." He said rubbing Donna's back who was looking at Jackie like she might start sobbing any minute.

Jackie smiled at Eric and then looked around at all of us, "Well I just want to say first I'm sorry for making you all worry but I had no idea where I was going so I couldn't tell you. However I just travelled around the US my first stop was at in a tiny town in Illinois where I stayed a few days with a woman named Raiyne then I decided to head to California but when I got to Kansas I met a guy who was like Leo and he had a 15 year old daughter named Kelly and she was actually the one that made this dress, I left there and when I got to New Mexico I met a Native American tribe that took me in where I met a guy named Kota and when I left he wanted to come with me so instead of California we stayed at a Freedom school in Wyoming where I learned to paint and where we met a girl named Amiee and a guy named Jude, we all lived together until Jude got offered a spot in a band and left after he left I decided that my time at the school was over so I left and Amiee came with me when we were in Colorado we met a few people and it was crazy there was a boy named Jeff who Eric oh you would love him he breathed Star Wars and he had every comic book ever created and he had a girlfriend named Summer who reminded me so much of you Donna!" She took Donnas hands smiling and at the moment Donna broke down crying, she had been so scared Jackie would blow her off but looking at the girl I was in love with I could tell she was different, she wasn't the same girl that she left us as. "Oh Donna look it's okay, I'm not mad anymore, okay? I'm over all the hurt and I just want to move on and put it past us okay?" Donna nodded her head and pulled Jackie into a hug. "Anyway with Jeff and Summer was a guy named Dekko and they all took Amiee and I to Washington where we stayed at a house and well we did nothing but smoke pot all day it was insane, but then Amiee was told about a commune in Tennessee so Amiee, Dekko and I all started down there and when we were in Minnesota I called Mrs. Forman which after we went down to Tennessee and now here I am." She finished with a giant smile.

None of us knew what to say the Jackie Burkhart that left here wouldn't have done any of those things, ever. It was all so unreal she looked so free and happy though.

"Wow Jackie," Brooke spoke up. "That all sounds scary weren't you scared?"

"No Brooke. I wasn't I was excited, I-I felt like I was suffocating when I left Point Place and I had no idea who I was or what I wanted anymore. I didn't feel like I had a home anymore, so no, I wasn't scared and I was extremely lucky enough to have met some wonderful people."

"Wait you learned to paint?" Fez asked.

"Yes!" Her eyes lit up as she continued. "At the school there was an artist who taught everyone that wanted to learn how and she kind of took me under her wing and taught me all there was to know about it." She finished.

"Wow, and your actually wearing a homemade dress, now that's insane," Donna said still wiping her eyes.

"Yeah I had to sell all my clothes I only have a dress I bought for the wedding, can you believe it I hadn't stepped foot into a mall for six months!" She said to Donna as we all gasped. "I know but didn't need to before the wedding; the road is too dirty for expensive things."

"Wow your so different, Jackie." Kelso said entirely sober.

She nodded. 'yes I am. And you're getting married! She said congrats guys she got up and hugged Brooke and then Kelso. How is Bets?" She asked while sitting again.

"Thank you I am so glad you're here for it, and she's so big now and I want to thank you for the letter I cried for hours!" Brooke exclaimed.

"Yeah I did to," Kelso said.

"Well I meant every word" She said

"Kids come up here! I made your favorite for dinner Jackie!" Mrs. Forman yelled from the top of the stairs.

We all stod up and everyone began walking up the stairs I got behind Jackie and grabbed her arm tugging on it softly "Can I talk to you for a second?" I whispered.

She nodded and I pulled her to my old room. I motioned for her to sit on the cot and I started pacing in front of her. "I know everything, the baby the miscarriage, I know everything and" I stopped in front of her and knelt down putting my hands in her lap "I'm so, so fucking sorry for everything so I screwed up so bad I drove you away for no fucking reason I knew you hadn't slept with Kelso but I had screwed up so bad marrying Sam and I stayed with her because I thought you would never take me back but it was all one big fuck up because we weren't even married and you lost the baby because of it and fuck I'm so, so sorry Jackie."

I looked up at her as she processed everything "Wait what do you mean weren't really married?" she asked angry.

"After you left I lost it and I told her to leave, I said that I would have W.B. call a lawyer and get a divorce together and she said that we weren't really married because she was already married and we don't even have a license." I said.

"You…so-so she, she's… not here," She asked looking around.

"No she's not and I'm not done talking to you but I just I wanted to apologize to you before we ate, but after dinner I want to show you something, okay?" I asked hopeful.

"O-okay…" She said looking confused.

I looked at her then grabbed her wrapping my arms around her "Fuck Jacks I missed you so fucking much. I thought I was going to die after you left." I pulled away seeing a tear fall from her eyes I reached out and wiped it away.

She reached her hands up and cradled my cheek, "I hated you so much when I left, then after a while I was so bitter but, but last month I came to the realization that I would always love you. I just can't stop." She stood up and walked out the door leaving me there on my knees.


End file.
